Xmen Evolution and the Holy Grail
by roguewanderer
Summary: based on the Brilliant Monty Python film the Xmen cast have taken on the Python script! With Scott as Arthur will they be able to find the Holy Grail? PG13 for naughty words! R&R no flames ITS FINISHED! NO! AMAZING!
1. Coconuts, Mud village and Stupid peasant

Well hello!! Im sorry this isn't any of my other stories and that I have once again begun a new one but I couldn't help myself I LOVE Monty Python! And I might do The Life of Brian too! What fun that would be! Actually I shouldn't even be writing this cause I have exams so I should be revising but meh! When inspiration hits what you gonna do?!

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Disclaimer: _I don't own X-Men Evolution OR Monty Python's the Holy Grail - yes this is the actual one I just sorta twigged the names to fit in with the X-men! Cool huh! Hehe! _

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X-men Evolution and The Holy Grail

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Bayville 932AD

On the misty barrens of Bayville, in the time of King Scott of the round table, on a random field in the middle of nowhere the mist was thick and nothing could be seen but bit pointy piece of wood that has a skeleton on top of it. The distant sounds of horse hooves could be heard and as the sound got closer and closer you could begin to make out a silhouette of someone. Until finally through the mist the outline of that someone became more identifiable as King Scott himself. However it also became obvious the closer he got that he is not in fact riding a horse but someone is following him hitting coconut shells together, creating a horse trotting noise. 

"Whoa there!" 

He said as he held up his arm to slow his 'horse'. Looking up to the distance he could make out a castle, and with that he made his way towards it. As he arrived he once again slowed down and looked up the side of the huge castle wall with no possible hope of getting in, that is until a soldier popped his head over the top.

"Halt! Who goes there?" 

"It is I, Scott, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Bayvillian's, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all Bayville!"

"Pull the other one!"

"I am,... and this is my trusty servant Toad. 

We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master."

"What? Ridden on a horse?"

"Yes!"

"You're using coconuts!"

"What?"

"You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together."

"So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through--"

"Where'd you get the coconuts?"

"We found them."

"Found them? In Bayville? The coconut's tropical!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this is a temperate zone."

"The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?"

"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

"Not at all. They could be carried."

"What? A swallow carrying a coconut?"

"It could grip it by the husk!"

"It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut." 

"Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Scott from the Court of Camelot is here?"

"Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?"

"Please!"

"Am I right?"

"I'm not interested!"

"It could be carried by an African swallow!" Another voice could be heard.

"Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point."

"Oh, yeah, I agree with that."

"Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!" Scott yelled getting annoyed at the blatant disrespect he was being shown.

"But then of course African swallows are non-migratory." The soldiers continued completely ignoring Scott.

"Oh, yeah."

Sighing Scott gave up completely so turned around and 'rode' away as the two soldiers continued their conversation.

"So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway."

"Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?"

"No, they'd have to have it on a line."

"Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!"

"What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?"

"Well, why not?"

~~~

In another part of Bayville not so far away was the village that was completely mud obsessed. There was no road clear for people to walk down only a mud that lay between the grime filled houses. Within the centre of this so called 'street' was an open cart completely covered in dead bodies and being wheeled by two men. The cart master stood to the side walking along side it as he hit a triangle with a spoon and screamed. 

"Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead!

[clang] 

Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead!" 

A man came out from the street and dumped another dead body on the steadily growing pile.

"Ninepence." 

He took the money and proceeded forward once more.

"Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead! 

[clang] 

Bring out your dead!"

A man walked towards the cart master with a body over his shoulder causing the cart to stop.

"Here's one"

"Ninepence."

"I'm not dead!" Came a cry from the old man on the costumers shoulder.

"What?" Confused the cart master looked at the costumer suspiciously.

"Nothing. Here's your ninepence."

"I'm not dead!" The dead person cried again.

"'Ere. He says he's not dead!" The cart master stated whilst looking at the so called 'dead man' once more.

"Yes, he is." The costumer defended.

"I'm not!" 

"He isn't?" 

"Well, he will be soon. He's very ill."

"I'm getting better!" the 'dead' man pleaded once more.

"No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment."

"Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations"

"I don't want to go on the cart!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby."

"I can't take him." the cart master stated again.

"I feel fine!"

"Well, do us a favour." the costumer insisted.

"I can't."

"Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long."

"No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today."

"Well, when's your next round?"

"Thursday."

"I think I'll go for a walk" the dead man pleaded once more.

"You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?"

"I feel happy. I feel happy." The 'dead' man began to sing in his last attempt, though in vain as the Cart master hit the 'dead' man on the head with the spoon he was using for the triangle so that he was unconscious. 

"Ah, thanks very much."

"Not at all. See you on Thursday" The customer dropped the 'dead' body on the cart.

"Right. All right." 

At that moment King Scott came 'riding' through the village straight past them not taking any heed to what was going on around him.

"Who's that, then?" The customer asked as they watched him ride away 

"I dunno. Must be a king."

"Why?"

"He hasn't got shit all over him."

****

~~~

Scott continued his quest for knights to join him at Camelot and continued to ride towards the local castle. Whilst riding through a field where people were randomly digging through the mud he saw someone pulling a cart so decided ask for some assistance.

"Old woman!" He called to them, they turned to look at them but continued to walk like he had better things to do.

"Man!"

Scott caught up to the man seeing that it really was a man and not a women and that he had an eye patch over his right eye.

"Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?"

"I'm thirty-seven."

"I-- what?"

"I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old."

"Well, I can't just call you 'Man'."

"Well, you could say 'Nick'"

"Well, I didn't know you were called 'Nick'"

"Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?"

"I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked--"

"What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!"

"Well, I am King!"

"Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh?…." 

Nick stopped walking and put down the cart he was pulling and turned to face Scott and began to lecture him. 

"….By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--"

A very dirty women cam crawling through the mud not paying attention to who Nick was talking to and began picking up mud.

"Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here." 

Looking up she finally notices Scott.

"Oh! How d'you do?"

"How do you do, good lady? I am Scott, King of the Bayvillian's. Who's castle is that?"

Looking down at the mud confused for a second she looks back at Scott again.

"King of the who?"

"The Bayvillian's"

"Who are the Bayvillian's?"

"Well, we all are. We are all Bayvillian's, and I am your king." 

Nick walked down and joined the women as she started to pick up the mud in her hands and put it into a pile to the side of her.

"I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective."

"You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--" Replied Nick who began piling mud in a pile with the women.

"Oh, there you go bringing class into it again."

"That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of--"

"Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?" Scott interrupted their discussion in annoyance, this quest didn't seem to be going quite as he had hoped.

"No one lives there." The women replied.

"Then who is your lord?" Scott asked confused.

"We don't have a lord."

"What?"

"I told you." Nick replied smugly "We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…" 

"Yes." 

"...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…"

"Yes, I see"

"...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…"

"Be quiet!" Scott was beginning to get annoyed at the complete lack of respect towards him, he was King after all.

"...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major--"

"Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!"

"Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh." The women asked unbelievable. 

"I am your king!" Scott stated angrily.

"Well, I didn't vote for you."

"You don't vote for kings."

"Well, how did you become King, then?"

"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Scott, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!" 

"Listen." Dennis began "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

"Be quiet!" Scott yelled angrily, he'd had enough of this Nick.

"Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!" 

"Shut up!"

"I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"

Getting really annoyed Scott walked over to Dennis, through the mud, and picked him up by his collar. 

"Shut up, will you? Shut up!" 

"Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system" Nick yelled as loudly as he could as he leapt around in Scott's grip.

"Shut up!"

"Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" Nick began screaming at the top of his voice causing Scott to let go in aggravation and storm off back towards Toad.

"Bloody peasant!" He muttered whilst walking up through the mud.

"Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?" Nick continued to yell at the top of his voice.


	2. The Black Knight, Witch and The knights ...

Hello again! I love this I cant stop! Bleh! And I have an exam on Tuesday so I _really_ must stop! Ok last chapter for a while now as I have to revise! Yes I will revise! Oh! Who am I kidding?!

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I AM COW HEAR ME MOO - Monty Python freaky? My dear that is what Python is all about!! Hehe! Though The Holy Grail is defiantly not freakiest one they've made! You want freaky watch The Meaning of Life! Strange and wonderful!! Thanks for the review!!

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**_Star-of-Chaos_****_ - _**Wow Thanks! Im actually quite proud cause I read your stories and I think they're awesome! Especially Starting Today! Wow! OH! And might I add that I have had that part picked out for Remy since I started! Why else would I make Scott King Arthur?! Hehe! Thanks!

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**_SweetRevenge151_****_ - _**Hey Wow thanks!! I love your fic too! Wow arnt I doing well! lol! 2 of my fav author people actually telling me I'm good! Talk about an ego boost! Thanks so much!!!

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Disclaimer: _Oh what I'd give to own either of these! Then I would be rich and not have to revise for stupid exams! Maybe I should make my own stupid film in true Python fashion and make MILLIONS!!!!……………nah didn't think so either!_

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Scott continued his journey to find knights to join him. His journey was taking him to a village not too far away where he knew a knight lived, though to get there he had to ride through a forest. Whilst riding through the forest he came across two brave knights fighting, both were wearing helmets so the only way to distinguish them was that one was wearing green and the other was wearing black.

The two continued to fight as the Green knight brought down his sword towards the Black knights head though he blocked it with his sword. Once he had blocked the Green knights sword he knocked the Green knight to the floor and proceeded to stab him, though the Green knight rolled away before he struck. Hitting swords together once more they both deflect all the moves until the Black knight kicked the Green knight in the crotch. This caused the Green knight to kneel in pain and drop his sword giving the Black knight an opening to hit him on the head with his sword though once again the Green knight moved to the side before he has chance to hit. 

Getting up the Green knight swiped at the Black knight with his fists knocking him to the ground, where he rolled onto his back. Whilst the Black knight was on the floor the Green knight took full advantage and ran towards him with a spiked ball and chain. Though he missed him and the Black knight grabbed his wrists and flipped him over his head. Getting up quickly the Green knight went for the Black knight once more but instead of moving the Black knight used his sword to deflect the attack as the chain wrapped around the sword. 

Using the advantage the Black knight flipped the Green knight to the side and jumped up off the floor. Turning he saw the Green knight run towards him holding an axe high above his head whilst screaming at the top of his voice. Watching the Green knight lazily the Black knight threw his sword straight towards him and his sword went straight through his helmet killing him instantly. Taking his sword out of the Green Knights head the Black knight went and stood in front of the bridge once more with his sword in the ground in front of him and his hands on the sword handle.

Impressed with what he just saw Scott 'rode' towards the knight and came to a halt in front of him.

"You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight."

The knight didn't move or make a sound so Scott tried again.

"I am Scott, King of the Bayvillian's."

More silence.

"I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Camelot."

Still no answer, only silence.

"You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?"

More silence, getting annoyed and a little confused Scott decided to give up.

"You make me sad. So be it. Come, Toad"

As they went to pass however the Black knight began to speak stopping them and taking them by surprise.

"None shall pass."

"What?" Scott asked confused.

"None shall pass." He repeated again. 

"I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge."

"Then you shall die."

"I command you, as King of the Bayvillian's, to stand aside!"

"I move" He looked towards Toad "for no man"

"So be it!"

Drawing his sword Scott moved back as the Black knight picked up his sword. As the Black knight attacked Scott evaded him numerous times as the knight could not strike him. That is until the Black knight charged towards Scott in anger, watching him Scott moved to the side and chopped off his arm as he went past. 

"Now stand aside, worthy adversary."

"'Tis but a scratch." The knight stated still stood in front of the path that Scott wished to use.

  
"A scratch? Your arm's off!"

"No, it isn't." 

"Well, what's that, then?" Scott said whilst pointing to what was clearly the knights severed arm on the floor. Looking at it the knight merely shrugged.

"I've had worse."

"You liar!"

  
"Come on, you pansy!"

Charging straight towards Scott once more with his sword the Black knight once more began to attack him, though Scott easily blocked and evaded the attacks. 

"Aaaaaaaah!" Running towards him once more the Black knight missed Scott who sidestepped out the way and chopped off the knights other arm as he passed. 

"Victory is mine!" Kneeling on the ground Scott began to pray in thankfulness. "We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--" 

Though he was quickly interrupted by the Black knight once more as he ran towards him and kicked him in the head..

"Hah!" The Black knight kicked Scott again as he tried to get up. _"_Come on, then"

"What?"

"Have at you!" The knight kicked him again and this time Scott stood up in irritation.

"Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine."

"Oh, had enough, eh?" He Evanbed up and down in front of Scott in a very boxer like manner, baiting Scott to get him.

"Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left."

"Yes, I have."

"Look!"

"Just a flesh wound." He jumped forward again and kicked Scott's leg once more.

"Look, stop that." 

"Chicken!" He kicked Scott again "Chicken! Chicken!"

"Look, I'll have your leg." Scott threatened as he became extremely annoyed at the knight. Though it was ignored as he kicked Scott's leg again. _"_Right!" Picking up his sword Scott cut off the Black knights leg as he went to kick him again.

"Right. I'll do you for that!" The knight stated hopping about in front of Scott on one leg.

"You'll what?"

"Come here!" 

"What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

"I'm invincible!" The knight hopped head first into Scott trying to hurt him, though Scott just scoffed in irritation.

"You're a looney."

"The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you!" He begins to hop towards Scott again "Come on, then!" 

In annoyance Scott just took his sword again and chopped of the knights other leg off leaving him as a body on the floor.

"Oh?" The knight looked around at his arms and legs, or lack of and then looked up to Scott who was putting his sword away. "All right, we'll call it a draw"

"Come, Toad." 

Toad came out from behind a tree where he had been hiding and began with the coconuts as Scott began to 'ride' away leaving the knight on the floor who was trying to watch them leave.

"Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!"

~~~

Walking through a village not far from where King Scott was last seen, a line of monks walked through the street chanting. Unlike the mud village this one had the street that was covered in straw and is clean and the inhabitants are healthy people working away.

"Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem." 

As they finished chanting the line they hit themselves over the head sharply with a plank of wood that had a cross painted on the front of it. 

"Pie Iesu domine,…" They hit themselves again "...dona eis requiem"

Continuing with the chanting and hitting themselves on the head the monks walked through the streets and were passed by a huge crowd who were screaming at the tops of their lungs.

"A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!"

Dragging a young women who had white hair and crystal blue eyes {AN: yes its Ororo sorry but there are hardly any women parts in this so I thought id be fun, well apart from the fact she burns}, dressed in cloaks and had a turnip on her nose and a funnel tied to her head was pushed towards a platform where a knight stood tying a coconut on a piece of string to a dove and watching it fly away. Turning he was confronted by the villagers and one stepped forward bravely.

"We have found a witch. May we burn her?"

"Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!" The crowd began to scream.

"How do you know she is a witch?" The knight asked.

"She looks like one." Another villager spoke up.

"Right! Yeah! Yeah!" The crowd began to scream once more.

"Bring her forward." the knight asked and the villagers shoved the beautiful young women forward.

"I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch."

"Uh, but you are dressed as one." The knight stated whilst looking her up and down.

"They dressed me up like this." She said pointing at the crowd.

"Augh, we didn't! We didn't…" the villagers began shouting.

"And this isn't my nose. It's a false one" 

Looking at the 'nose' he lifted up off her nose to see that it was in fact a fake nose. Placing it back into place he once again addressed the villagers.

"Well?"

"Well, we did do the nose." The first villager reluctantly admitted. 

"The nose?" 

"And the hat," he replied reluctantly again "but she is a witch!" 

"We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!" The crowd began to scream again.

"Did you dress her up like this?" 

"No!" The first villager {okay to avoid confusion we shall call him Evan} shouted.

"No. No." Two more villagers {we'll call them Fred and Ray} stated whilst shaking their heads.

"No" Ray said whilst shaking his head still.

"No" Evan said again.

"No" Fred and Ray continued to deny, though it was getting obvious they were lying.

"Yes." Evan said guiltily.

"Yes." Said Ray also.

"Yes. Yeah, a bit." Said Fred getting quieter. 

"A bit"

"A bit."

"A bit."

"She has got a wart." Evan shouted in accusation pointing at her face.

"What makes you think she is a witch?" The knight asked patiently, like a teacher talking to his class.

"Well, she turned me into a newt!" Ray said loudly causing everyone to stare at him as he was clearly _not_ a newt.

"A newt?" The knight asked confused.

"I got better" He muttered in embarrassment after a long pause.

"Burn her anyway!" Fred yelled loudly and the villagers joined him in shouting.

"Burn her! Burn! Burn her!…"

"Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch"

"Are there?" Asked Evan "What are they?"

"Tell us! Tell us!…" The villagers shouted once more.

"Tell me. What do you do with witches?"

"Burn!" Evan shouted

"Burn!" Ray shouted

"Burn! Burn them up! Burn!…" The crowd shouted.

"And what do you burn apart from witches?"

"More witches!" Evan shouted quickly

"Shh!" Fred told Evan sharply, there was silence for a second until Ray spoke up. 

"Wood!"

"So, why do witches burn?"

The villagers pause for a long while in confusion as they thought, until Ray spoke up unsurely.

"B--... 'cause they're made of... Wood?"

"Good! Heh heh."

"Oh, yeah. Oh" Ray looked very proud as the answer dawned on the villagers.

"So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?"

"Build a bridge out of her." Evan stated proudly.

"Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Does wood sink in water?" 

"No. No." Evan said shaking his head.

"No, it floats! It floats!" Fred said confidently.

"Throw her into the pond!!" Evan shouted quickly.

"The pond! Throw her into the pond!" The crowd chanted.

"What also floats in water?" 

"Bread!" Evan shouted loudly.

"Apples!" Ray shouted guessing.

"Uh, very small rocks!" Fred shouted.

"Cider!" Evan guessed again.

"Uh, gra-- gravy!" Ray guessed again.

"Cherries!"

"Mud!"

"Uh, churches! Churches!"

"Lead! Lead!"

"A duck!" Everyone in the crowd and the knight turned to see who spoke, and saw Scott stood proudly to the side with Toad at his side, causing the crowd to "Ooooo"

****

"Exactly. So, logically….." He turned back towards the crowd once more.

"If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood." Evan stated slowly as he thought long and hard about it.

"And therefore?" the knight prompted.

"A witch!" Ray shouted.

"A witch! A witch!…" The crowd started shouting in glee. A random villager ran off and returned seconds later holding a duck in the air.

__

"Here is a duck. Use this duck."

"Very good. We shall use my largest scales." The knight said jumping down from the platform and lead the villagers towards his scales, with the crowd dragging poor Ororo shouting.

"Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh…"

The knight lead the villagers towards two hanging seats that were attached to each other with a rope on a pulley. The villagers placed the duck on one seat and placed Ororo on the other.

"Right. Remove the supports!" 

The knight shouted and watched as Evan and Ray took up two giant mallets and hit the logs that were holding the seats in place away. They crowd all watched in anticipation as Ororo's seat went down. However seconds later it came straight back up and levelled out with the duck.

"A witch! A witch! A witch!" The crowd screamed gleefully.

"It's a fair cop." Ororo stated as she was pulled from the seat by Evan and Ray.

"Burn her!" Ray screamed and began leading her down the hill followed by the crowd screaming "Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!…" 

Watching the crowd take Ororo away Scott walked over towards the knight to talk to him.

"Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?" The knight asked.

"I am Scott, King of the Bayvillian's." 

Hearing this the knight instantly knelt down in respect for the King.

__

"My liege!"

"Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot and join us at the Round Table?"

"My liege! I would be honoured."

"What is your name?"

"'Forgevere', my liege."

"Then I dub you 'Sir Forgevere, Knight of the Round Table'." Scott stated knighting Forgevere who still knelt in front of him.

~~~

The wise Sir Forgevere was the first to join King Scott's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Lancelot the Brave, Sir Loganad the Pure, and Sir Pyro the- not- quite- so- brave- as- Sir- Lancelot, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill, and the aptly named Sir Not- appearing- in- this- fic. 

Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries: the Knights of the Round Table. 

~~~

All of the knights of the round table were 'riding' towards Camelot. They had been riding for a while and Sir Forgevere was explaining many inventions to Scott who found it all fascinating. 

"And that, my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped."

"This new learning amazes me, Sir Forgevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes."

"Oh, certainly, sir."

"Look, my liege!" Sir Lancelot interrupted their conversation and pointed up towards a castle that was sat on the hill in front of them grandly.

"Camelot!" Scott said proudly.

"Camelot!" Loganad said proudly.

"Camelot!" Lancelot said proudly.

"It's only a model." Stated Toad quietly.

"Shh!" Scott scolded Toad and then turned back to his knights once more. "Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride... to... Camelot!"

~~~

Inside the main hall of Camelot were a group of knights dressed in white and black and all wearing helmets. As well as the knights were many servants and men who loved there, and of course in the spirit they all broke out in to song and dance.

"We're Knights of the Round Table. 

We dance whene'er we're able. 

We do routines and chorus scenes 

With footwork impeccable. 

We dine well here in Camelot. 

We eat ham and jam and spam a lot." 

The knights jumped onto a table and continued dancing in a line and ended up doing the can-can and kicked a passing servant in the head, though they paid no heed and continued to dance and sing.

"We're Knights of the Round Table. 

Our shows are formidable, 

But many times we're given rhymes 

That are quite unsingable. 

We're opera mad in Camelot

We sing from the diaphragm a lot."

In the main hall the song continued. It was so loud that a prisoner in the dungeon joined in himself by clapping along with the music. Though it was quite hard since he was chained to the wall. The knights oblivious continued to sing and dance and ended up tap dancing on the tables whilst another played the helmets in time with the music with spoons, ending by hitting a randomly passing servant on the head causing them to fall over.

"In war we're tough and able, 

Quite indefatigable. 

Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable. 

It's a busy life in Camelot." 

Everyone stops and one man steps forward proudly singing a very low bass line.

"I have to push the pram a lot."

After pausing for a second the knights and men continue to dance away in glee until the song ends.

~~~

Back outside the castle still looking at Castle Camelot Scott turned around to the rest of his knights uncertainty.

"Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."

"Right. Right." 

All the knights reply and they all turn around and begin to 'ride' off, away from Camelot.


	3. God, The Trojan Rabbit and the historian

NOOO Exam revision is _not_ going well!! I cant help myself!! Ive been 'riding' around too! Hehehe! Though I need coconuts! That's the next step! Hehe! Bleh I hate music sometimes! 

**__**

**_Star-of-Chaos_****_ - _**Why thanks! Your like a mind reader! Who else would play God but Xavier?! Well Magneto could but I already know what part he's gonna play! lol! Just like I did with Remy! Whoo! And the black knight was a mystery cause he didn't take off his helmet - though if your desperate to know it was………actually I'm not sure who it was! OH! What about Sabertooth? That'd be quite fitting wouldn't it! lol!

****

**_The Uncanny R-Man_****_ - _**Why thanks! I couldn't resist Pyro being Sir Robin! Actually I was reading Aro's fic Changes and there's that funny line where Pyro's begging to be let out and then he is he see's Logan so turns tail and begs to be let back in again! It made me giggle and gave me the idea to cast Pyro as Sir Robin! I haven't decided who will play The Knights who say Ni yet! But should be funny either way! Thanks for reviewing!!

****

Disclaimer - _I want them but can't have them! Damn! The best I can do is buy some coconuts and 'Ride' though my campus! WHOO!_

~~~***~~~

King Scott and the knights of the Round Table continued on their pointless journey to no where when suddenly they heard loud thunder crashing and angels singing. The clouds parted and the head of an old bald man wearing a crown appeared with his booming voice.

"Scott! Scott, King of the Bayvillian's!"

Looking up at the voice Scott and the knights saw the head of God in the sky and instantly fell to their knees.

"Oh, don't grovel!" God shouted in irritation causing the angels to stop singing . "One thing I can't stand, it's people grovelling."

Scott and the knights stood up and Scott shouted "Sorry." 

"And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'." Scott and the knights begin to look away "What are you doing now?!" 

"I'm averting my eyes, O Lord."

"Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now, knock it off!"

Obeying the Lords commands the knights stop averting their eyes and look up again.

"Yes, Lord."

"Right! Scott, King of the Bayvillian's, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times."

"Good idea, O Lord!"

"'Course it's a good idea! Behold!"

God disappeared and where his head used to be floated a huge golden grail with an X engraved on the front.

"Scott, this is the Holy Grail. Look well, Scott, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail." The Grail disappeared and Gods head was once more visible. "That is your purpose, Scott: the quest for the Holy Grail."

The angels began to sing once more and the clouds began to close covering Gods head as he disappeared once more. 

"A blessing! A blessing from the Lord!" Exclaimed Lancelot excitedly.

"God be praised!" Shouted Loganad.

And so Scott and his knights of the round table now had a quest to fulfil and began to ride off into the distance to a place that may hold the key to the holy grail.

~~~

After riding for many hours through fields and over rivers and past brooks that had random peasants hitting the water with sticks for no apparent reason, they came across a huge castle. Much like the one earlier this castle had huge walls that could not be climbed making entrance to the castle impossible.

"Halt!" Scott shouted and all the knights made their way into a line before stopping. Toad took out a giant horn and played one strangled note to announce the knights since the wall was too high to see anyone. 

"Hello!" Scott shouted, there was a pause as they waited for someone to answer, though no one came so he shouted louder. "Hello!"

This time after his shouting a guard poked his head out from the top of the castle wall, he was wearing a silver helmet and had the full armor on, he had a goatee but the most definable feature was that his eyes were red on black, or at least Scott thought they were, he was very far away after all! (yes its Remy!! Whoo! Mwha!)

"Allo! Who is eet?"

"It is King Scott, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?" 

"Dis is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard."

"Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail."

"Well, I'll ask him, but I don't tink he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, y' see."

"What?"

__

"He says they've already got one!" Loganad whispered to Scott.

"Are you sure he's got one?" Scott shouted up to Remy in confusion.

"Oh, yes. It's very nice-a." Remy then turned to the soldiers who were sat on the wall next to him and spoke quietly. "I told him we already got one" 

Which caused them all to chuckle. This seemed to put Scott off and he was unsure to say.

"Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?"

"Of course not! Y' are Bayville types-a!" Remy shouted down to Scott mockingly.

"Well, what are you, then?"

"I'm Cajun! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!" Remy continued to mock. 

"What are you doing in Bayville?" Loganad shouted up.

"Mind your own business!"

"If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!" Scott shouted forcefully trying to sound fearful, though not quite succeeding as Remy continued to mock.

"Y' don't frighten us, Bayville pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Scott King, you and all your silly Bayville k-nnnnniggets." With that said he Remy blew a raspberry at the knights below and hit himself on the head in a mocking manner. 

__

"What a strange person." Loganad muttered to Scott unbelievably. 

"Now look here, my good man--" Scott tried once more to reason with Remy.

"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" Remy interrupted Scott's plea.

__

"Is there someone else up there we could talk to?" Loganad shouted up in irritation.

"No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

"Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable."

Turning to the other soldiers once more Remy muttered "Fetchez la vache."

"Quoi?" The guards replied confused.

"Fetchez la vache!" He repeated, at which guards began to bring out a cow from the side door in the lower half of the castle.

****

"If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--" 

Scott continued to shout up at the guards. Though he was interrupted by a loud _twanging_ sound, and they watched in horror as a cow came flying over the castle wall towards them.

"Jesus Christ!" Scott screamed.

"Christ!" The knights joined him and they all tried to run out the way. Unfortunatly they don't get out the way in time since the cow landed on top of one of their servants.

"Right!" Scott drew his sword gallantly "Charge!" 

"Charge!" 

All the knights roared as they ran towards the castle wall, which was pointless since there was no way for them get in. As they got closer the French began flinging random fruit and animals over the walls onto Scott and his knights.

"Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go." Remy yelled as he flung more random objects over the wall at Scott and his knights.

"And this one's for your dad!" 

Remy threw more things over the wall that all landed on Scott and his knights. Sensing defeat King Scott did the only thing he could do.

"Run away!" 

"Run away!" The knights all began yelling as they turn tail and ran away from the castle. Hiding on a random hill just to the side of the castle they all laid down to think of a plan, where they could clearly hear the French taunting them.

"Fiends! I'll tear them apart!" Lancelot screamed as he went to draw his sword and run towards castle once more.

"No, no. No, no" Scott said as he grabbed Lancelot's arm preventing him from going anywhere. 

"Sir! I have a plan, sir." Forgevere spoke up.

~~~

Later on Remy stood watching over the wall of the castle to see if King Scott and his knights would return again. Then he heard some strange noises coming from the forest.

*saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw*

*clunk*

*bang*

*rewr!*

*squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak*

*rrrr rrrr rrrr* 

*drilllll* 

*sawwwww*

*clunk*

*crash*

*clang*

*squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak*

*creak* 

Listening carefully Remy watched as a giant wooden rabbit is wheeled out of the forest and placed in front of the castle. Opening the castle door Remy poked his head out cautiously, then turned back to the other guards.

"C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here" 

They all whispered then all came out sneakily and began to push the giant wooden rabbit back inside the castle. From the nearby hill that they were hiding on before Scott and his knights smiled as the French wheeled their giant rabbit inside the castle and shut the door behind them. 

"What happens now?" Scott asked Forgevere that lay just to the side of him, in excitement.

"Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Loganad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!"

"Who leaps out?"

"U-- u-- uh, Lancelot, Loganad, and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh…"

"Ohh." Scott moaned as he covered his face in irritation.

"Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger--" 

Though Forgevere was interrupted by Scott as he hit him on the head in annoyance. Groaning in annoyance the knights they all listened as a loud _twag_ could be heard and the giant wooden rabbit went flying through the air towards them leaving Scott only one choice.

"Run away!"

"Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!" 

They all screamed as they began to run away from the flying rabbit. Unfortunately one of the servants weren't as lucky as the rabbit landed right on top of them. Scott and his knights began to leave in defeat whilst the French continued to laugh and taunt from the castle behind them.

~~~

In front of old ruins somewhere no where near King Scott and his Knights of the round table an old historian waited as he was about to start filming. The director clacked the directors clippy board thing and shouted.

"Picture for Schools, take eight. Action!"

"Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Scott. The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise, and Scott became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Scott, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should separate and search for the Grail individually." In the distance horse hoofs could be heard though the historian paid them no heed and he continued his story. "Now, this is what they did: Lancelot--"

A knight came riding, on a real horse mind you, and straight past the old historian cutting his throat as he went.

"Frank!" The historians wife screamed whilst running up towards the dead body unsure of what to do.


	4. The tale of Sir Pyro and Loganad, and Sc...

Right ok last time I swear! Then you'll have to wait! Though I'm getting through this quick aren't I! Well I suppose that happens when you enjoy what your doing! 

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**_Star-of-Chaos_****_ - _**awww I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am writing it!! Hehe! OH! And that line about him being Cajun I meant to write Cajun but fingers typed French! Opps! Well I've changed it now! YeY! lol! Oh! And thanks for the idea about Destiny I didn't know who to have playing the dirty man from scene 24! 

Disclaimer: _Coconuts why cant I find any coconuts?!_

~~~***~~~

The Tale of Sir Pyro. 

So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Pyro rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favourite minstrels. 

"Bravely bold Sir Pyro rode forth from Camelot" 

The young blonde minstrel sang whilst dancing around behind Sir Pyro who continued to ride confidently through the forest.

"He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Pyro. 

He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, 

Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Pyro! 

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, 

Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken, 

To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away 

And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Pyro! 

His head smashed in and his heart cut out 

And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged 

And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off 

And his peni--" 

"That's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, lads." 

Pyro interrupted since he was beginning to become very intimidated and scared at what they sang about. 

"Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot."

Continuing to ride forward warily Pyro passed Nick and the women from earlier in the muddy field with Scott, not that he'd know that of course.

"Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom." Nick continued to moan.

"Oh, Nick, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud." 

The women stated as Pyro rode past them and past a tree that had a huge lance attached to it with 3 Knights hanging from it.

"Halt!"

Sir Pyro looked up suddenly and fearfully as he came face to face with 3 headed giant. The left head had short blonde hair with an orange fringe, the middle head had long blonde hair and the right head was blue and furry with eyes golden. 

"Who art thou?" The giant's heads asked.

****

"He is brave Sir Pyro, brave Sir Pyro, who--" 

The minstrel began singing though was quickly interrupted by Pyro.

"Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody, really. I'm j-- j-- j-- ju-- just, um-- just passing through."

"What do you want?" 

"To fight and--" The minstrel began singing again.

"Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh-- j-- j-- just-- just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir Knight." 

"I'm afraid not!" The giant knights heads exclaimed.

"Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Knight of the Round Table."

"You're a Knight of the Round Table?"

"I am."

"In that case, I shall have to kill you." The left head stated. {This is Ray btw}

"Shall I?" The middle head asked Ray confused. {This is Sam btw} 

"Oh, I don't think so." The right head answered. {This is Kurt btw}

"Well, what do I think?" Asked Sam.

"I think kill him." Ray stated again.

"Oh, let's be nice to him." Kurt said to both Sam and Ray

"Oh, shut up." Ray shouted irritably 

"Perhaps I could--" Pyro tried to get past without them really noticing though in vain.

"And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off!" Ray shouted at Kurt.

"Oh, cut your own head off!" Kurt answer back irritably.

"Yes, do us all a favour!" Sam joined in with Kurt.

"What?" Asked Ray.

"Yapping on all the time." Kurt moaned.

"You're lucky. You're not next to him."

"What do you mean?" Ray asked confused.

"You snore!" Sam yelled.

"Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath."

"Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth."

"Oh, stop bitching and let's go have tea." Kurt suggested.

"Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits." Ray said as a compromise.

"Yes." Sam answered happy with the idea.

"Oh, not biscuits." Kurt moaned.

"All right. All right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway." Ray compromised. 

"Right!" They all exclaimed at once and then looked down to find that Sir Pyro was no longer stood in front of them.

"He buggered off." Sam stated surprised.

"So he has. He's scarpered." Kurt said disappointedly.

Pyro rode through the trees away from the 3 headed knight giant very quickly, and his minstrel began singing once again.

"Brave Sir Pyro ran away,"

"No!" Pyro protested.

"Bravely ran away, away."

"I didn't!"

"When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled."

"No!"

"Yes, brave Sir Pyro turned about"

"I didn't!"

"And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,"

"I never did!"

"He beat a very brave retreat,"

"All lies!"

"Bravest of the brave, Sir Pyro."

"I never!"

~~~

****

The Tale of Sir Loganad.

Fighting his way through the rain and mud injured Sir Loganad made his way slowly through the trees and towards a castle. The wind was howling and people could be heard screaming along with many other scary noises that can't really be identified. Falling to the ground whilst desperately trying to climb a muddy hill Loganad looked up to a castle that was set on top of the hill to see none other then the Holy Grail floating above it. Seeing this Loganad ran straight toward the castle and began banging on the door.

"Open the door! Open the door! In the name of King Scott, open the door!"

Suddenly the door opened unexpectedly and Loganad fell to the ground inside the castle.

****

"Hello!" 

Looking up Loganad was surprised as a young women dressed all in white stood over him. She looked to be about 18 years old and had auburn hair with two white streaks framing her face, though her hair was mainly covered by the veil which she wore. 

"Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax."

****

"The Castle Anthrax?"

"Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need!"

"You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?"

"The what?"

"The Grail. It is here."

Getting up onto his knees Loganad tried to get up further but didn't move far and watched as the girl called over two more women.

"Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crapper!" 

Two young girls ran over to the women obediently.

"Yes, O Rogue?"

"Prepare a bed for our guest."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!…" 

Watching them run off in happiness the women began muttering to herself in annoyance.

"Away! Away, varletesses." Walking towards Loganad she helped him to his feet. "The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big."

"Well, look, I-- I, uh--"

"What is your name, handsome knight?"

"'Sir Loganad... the Chaste'."

"Mine is 'Rogue'. Just 'Rogue'. Oh, but come."

Smiling and hanging off Loganad's arm still she began to lead him down the castle corridor towards his bedroom.

"Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!"

"Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious."

"No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this--" He stopped and pulled his arm from her grip.

"Sir Loganad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality."

"Well, I-- I, uh--"

Taking his arm again Rogue continued to lead him to his bedroom. 

"Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen- and- a- half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here." She lead Loganad to the bed and laid him down. "Oh, but you are wounded!" 

"No, no. It's-- it's nothing." Loganad exclaimed trying to stand up, though he was pushed back down to the bed once more by Rogue. 

"Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! "No, no, please! Lie down" 

__

  
After pushing him to the bed once more Rogue clapped her hands and two more young women in white entered quickly.

"Well, what seems to be the trouble?" The first asked nicely.

"They're doctors?!"

"Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes." Rogue answered embarrassed.

"B-- but--"

"Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Kitty! Doctor Amara! Practise your art."

Climbing up onto the bed Amara removed Loganad's shield and sword.

"Try to relax."

"Are you sure that's absolutely necessary?" Loganad asked embarrassed as Kitty and Amara began undoing his belt.

"We must examine you." Kitty said in the calm voice once more. After taking off his belt she begins to lift the cloth part of his uniform.

"There's nothing wrong with that!" Loganad exclaimed pushing the cloth back into place once more.

"Please. We are doctors" Kitty stated with a smile and lifted the skirt once more and touched the wound on the inside of his thigh. At this Loganad jumped up like he ad been burned.

"Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity."

"Back to your bed! At once!" Kitty demanded angrily.

"Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail!" Loganad grabbed his shield and sword from the bed and made his way to towards the door.

"There's no grail here." Kitty stated annoyed.

"I have seen it! I have seen it!" Loganad kept shouting as he ran through the cloth covered door. "I have seen--" 

This of course took him straight into the bathing room that was filled with women dressed in white.

"Hello." They all said at once in happiness that there was a man in the room.

"Oh."

"Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello." All the girls continued to repeat whilst backing him up towards the opposite wall. Though Loganad managed to slip past them and down a corridor and he bumps into Rogue who was coming out of a random door at the side. 

"Rogue!"

"No, I am Rogue's identical twin sister, Dingo" 

"Oh, well, excuse me, I--" Loganad tries to push past Dingo to get through the door she just came through but Dingo stops him. 

"Where are you going?"

"I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!"

"Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Rogue!" Dingo exclaimed whilst clasping her hands together.

"Well, what is it?"

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Rogue! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem." 

"It's not the real Grail?"

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Rogue! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her! 

"A spanking! A spanking!" All the girls began shouting from behind Loganad.

"You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me." 

"And spank me." A random girl exclaimed.

"And me." And another exclaimed.

"And me." And yet another exclaimed.

"Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!" Dingo exclaimed gleefully.

"A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight!" the girls began shouting excitedly.

"And after the spanking, the oral sex."

"The oral sex! The oral sex!" The girls began shouting.

"Well, I could stay a bit longer." 

Loganad said through this wasn't sure what to think though he was definatly not complaining. 

"Sir Loganad!" That is until the door came crashing open and Lancelot came running in. 

"Oh, hello." Loganad looked up in surprise as Lancelot grabbed Loganad by the arm and began pulling him towards the exit.

"Quick!" Lancelot shouted

"What?" 

"Quick!"

"Why?"

"You are in great peril!"

"No, he isn't!" Dingo shouted as she and the girls desperately tried to stop Loganad from leaving.

"Silence, foul temptress!" Lancelot shouted whilst taking up his sword though was stopped by Loganad and so began to drag him away once more. 

"You know, she's got a point." Loganad pointed out.

"Come on! We will cover your escape!"

"Look, I'm fine!"

"Come on!"

"Sir Loganad!" They all yelled whilst trying to stop Lancelot taking him away.

"No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!" Loganad insisted.

"Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!" Dingo shouted desperately.

"Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!" The girls shouted.

"No, Sir Loganad. Come on!"

"No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily."

"Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily." Dingo shouted.

"Yes. Let him handle us easily." The girls joined in shouting with Dingo.

"No. Quick! Quick!" 

"Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!"

"Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance."

"We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily…"

Flinging open the door Lancelot pulled Loganad through with him away from all the women.

"Oh, shit." Exclaimed Dingo in annoyance as they watch Loganad leave.

"We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril." Lancelot exclaimed whilst still dragging Loganad around the outside of the castle.

"I don't think I was."

"Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril."

"Look, let me go back in there and face the peril."

"No, it's too perilous."

"Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can."

"No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!"

"Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?"

"No. It's unhealthy."

"I bet you're gay."

"No, I'm not."

~~~

Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Loganad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Scott and Sir Forgevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging-- 

"Get on with it!" 

Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Scott discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh! 

Scott and Forgevere sat in a tiny hut that had cages and hooks hanging from the ceiling with a small fire in the centre which they were sat around with an old dirty women with one eye completely white who was laughing at nothing.

"Heh, hee ha ha hee hee! Hee hee hee ha ha ha…"

"And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail?" 

Scott asked the cackling women though she paid no heed and continued to randomly cackle crazily.

"...Ha ha ha ha! Heh, hee ha ha hee! Ha hee ha! Ha ha ha ha…"

"Where does he live?"

"...Heh heh heh heh…"

"Destiny, where does he live?"

"...Hee ha ha ha. He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered."

"And the Grail. The Grail is there?"

"There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed."

****

  
"But the Grail! Where is the Grail?!"

"Seek you the Bridge of Death."

"The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail?"

"Heh, hee hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hee ha ha…" 

As Destiny continued to cackle crazily she began to fade away in front of Scott and Forgevere's eyes until there was no one left and they were in fact sat in the middle of a dark forest alone, well apart from their servants of course.


	5. The knights who say Ni! And the tale of ...

Had one of my exams today! The hardest one too! And too put it nicely -ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies! Which translates to oh dear it went bad! lol! Right ok on we go! Mwha!! 

**__**

**_Star-of-Chaos_****_ - _**te he! I know I almost cant write this cause I keep giggling! Actually I think people think I'm strange (actually that's a lie I KNOW people think I'm strange! lol!) but I get an idea for who can play who and begin to randomly giggle at the thought of it! hehehe! Glad your enjoying it!

Jaina12 - I agree whole heartedly! I LOVE MONTY PYTHON! The life of Brian used to be my fav but it has most defiantly been replaced with the Holy Grail! lol! Glad your enjoying it!

I AM COW HEAR ME MOO - Oh poor Logan everyones laughing at him being chaste! Then again! *bursts out laughing* you just **cant** not laugh at it! lol! Thanks for the tip about wrong names! I have sorted it out now random mistake! Sorry! 

TheRagingSpammer - Sorry that I didn't make Kurt king it's just I thought that King Arthur is a bit stupid and up himself and it screamed Scott! Sorry! But I hope your enjoying the fic anyway!

****

**_The Uncanny R-Man_****_ - _**Thanks! Sorry but I already had an idea about who could play the knights of Ni! Come on tall and wears a helmet! Ok well you'll find out anyway! I'm glad your enjoying this!

****

**_Shadowcat4_****_ - _**te he he! Im glad your enjoying this! I mean who wouldn't its Monty Python! Whoo! lol! Sorry! Glad you like it!

****

Anon(girl) - phew! Glad I have been forgiven! I'm sorry but I've been watching this and I couldn't help myself! Its only short so ill get another chappy of Nightmare before X-men up soon! Promise! Within……the next couple of weeks! Cause I'm away this weekend! Glad your enjoying!

Disclaimer - _my friend is going to sponsor me to dress up as a knight and 'ride' around campus for RAG week! Mwha! I knew I could find an excuse to do it! Hehehe!_

~~~***~~~

Scott and Forgevere rode through the forest in which they ended up in in at the end scene 24. After a few minutes of riding through the dark scary forest they both began to hear things, a twig snapping here, a random cry there. Either way it was enough to scare them both thoroughly. Of course they both believed they were being paranoid until coming to a halt in front of a giant man dressed in a black robe with a giant helmet on his head that had horns attached to it. 

"Ni!" Juggernaut screamed at the pair.

****

"Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!" Many other black knights wearing horned helmets cried jumping up and down in glee.

"Who are you?" Scott asked fearfully.

"We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!" Cried Juggernaut.

"Ni!" One of the men in the background screamed.

"No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'!" Scott cried in fear.

"The same!"

"Who are they?" Forgevere asked confused.

"We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'!" Juggernaut answered.

"Neee-wom!" A random knight screamed.

"Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale." Scott told Forgevere fearfully.

"The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice."

"Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods." 

"Ni!" Juggernaut began to shout.

"Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!…" 

The knights in the background joined in screaming the sacred word causing Scott and Forgevere to cower in pain.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh!"

Holding up his hand happy that he had taught a lesson to the travellers Juggernaut stopped the shouting of Ni.

"We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not appease us."

"Well, what is it you want?"

"We want... a shrubbery!"

"A what?"

"Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!" 

The knights began screaming once more causing Scott and Forgevere to cower in pain.

"Ow! Oh!"

"Please! Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery." Scott pleaded once the knights had stopped.

"You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood... Alive." 

"O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery."

"One that looks nice." Juggernaut added in.

****

"Of course."

"And not too expensive."

"Yes."

"Now... Go!"

~~~

Back at the sight of the Historians dead body that still lay on the floor a police car was parked at the side and the police man were stood taking the wife's statement about the incident. 

~~~

****

The Tale of Sir Lancelot. 

Stood in what was a castle bedroom a young skinny prince with white hair that stood on end, stood at the window next to his father who was everything he wasn't. The father was a tall man with broad shoulders, like his son he had white hair, though his was long, and a beard.

****

"One day, lad, all this will be yours!"

"What, the curtains?"

"No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom, lad." 

"But Mother--"

"Father, lad. Father."

"B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that." 

At the moaning tone of his son, Magneto began to pace the room lecturing.

"Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands." 

"But I don't want any of that. I'd rather--"

"Rather what?!"

"I'd rather…" music began to play as if from no where "...just... Sing!"

"Stop that! Stop that!" And with the Magneto's harsh words the music stopped_ "_You're not going into a song while I'm here. Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Bayville."

"B-- but I don't want land."

"Listen, Wanda,--" 

"Pietro" 

"Pietro. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get!" 

"But-- but I don't like her."

"Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... tracts o' land!"

"I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have…" The music began to build once again _"_...a certain,... special... Something!"

"Cut that out! Cut that out!" Magneto screamed stopping the music once more and strode across the room grabbing Pietro by the collar angrily. "Look, you're marrying Princess Boom-Boom, so you'd better get used to the idea!"

Smacking Pietro softly on the face Magneto dropped him angrily and strode across the room towards the door where two guards stood in their uniform and with flowers on 

"Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him." 

Magneto yelled at them both as he began leaving the room.

"Not to leave the room even if you come and get him." The first guard stated. {the guard is Bobby btw}

"Hic!" The second guard hiccupped. {this is Piotr btw}

"No, no. Until I come and get him." Magneto said once more.

"Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room."

"No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave."

"And you'll come and get him."

"Hic!" Piotr continued to hiccup silently next to Magneto and Bobby.

"Right." Magneto said satisfied they'd got it.

"We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room." Bobby said proudly as he thought he'd got it,

"No, no. Leaving the room."

"Leaving the room. Yes."

"All right?"

"Right." 

"Hic!" Piotr continued to hiccup.

"Right."

"Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we--"

"Yes? What is it?" Magneto asked irritably walking back to the guards again.

"Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh--"

"Look, it's quite simple."

"Uh…"

"You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room. All right?"

"Right." Magneto said once more thinking the guards had understood and began to walk through the door.

"Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?"

"N-- no, no. No" Magneto said coming back once more You just keep him in here and make sure he--" 

"Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him--"

"No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here--"

"Until you or anyone else--"

"No, not anyone else. Just me."

"Just you."

"Hic!"

"Get back."

"Get back."

"All right?"

"Right. We'll stay here until you get back."

"Hic!"

"And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave."

"What?" Bobby asked confused.

"Make sure 'e doesn't leave."

"The Prince?"

"Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't leave."

"Oh, yes, of course." Said as it dawned on him "Ah. I thought you meant him." He said pointing at Piotr, who just continued hiccupping obliviously "You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard." 

"Is that clear?" Magneto asked again.

"Oh, quite clear. No problems."

"Right." Magneto said happily and opened the door once more to find that both Bobby and Piotr were following him. "Where are you going?"

"We're coming with you." Bobby said as if it was obvious.

"No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave."

"Oh, I see. Right." Bobby said walking back to his original position with Piotr who continued to hiccup finally understanding. 

"But Father!" Pietro moaned from where he was sat at his window.

"Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!" Magneto shouted and began leaving again. Pietro looked out the window and music began playing once more causing Magneto to storm back in. "And no singing!" He yelled causing the music to stop again. 

"Hic!"

"Oh, go and get a glass of water." 

Magneto muttered to Piotr as he left once more. Making sure that his father had in fact left Pietro stood up and eyed the guards warily. Smiling at them briefly Pietro grabbed a quill and parchment and scribbled a note on it whilst still eyeing Bobby and Piotr. Once he'd finished he grabbed an arrow and tied the note to it, still eyeing Bobby and Piotr, and fired it out the window. 

__

~~~

  
In the forest close by to swamp castle and where Pietro's wedding was taking place, Lancelot and his servant Multiple rode over a small brook.

****

"Well taken, Multiple!"

"Thank you, sir! Most kind." 

"And again!" 

Once again Lancelot jumped over a small brook followed by Multiple (and the coconuts) "Over we go! Good. Steady!" He made his way over to a huge river "And now, the big one!" Jumping onto the closet boulder "Uuh! Come on, Multiple!"

As Lancelot called Multiple an arrow came flying past his head and into Multiples chest.

"Message for you, sir." Multiple said as he fell onto to bags on his back.

"Multiple! Multiple! Speak to me!" 

Lancelot screamed as he knelt next to Multiple though there was no answer. Seeing the note attached the arrow that was in Multiples chest he took it and began reading. 

"'To whoever finds this note: I have been imprisoned by my father, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the Tall Tower of Swamp Castle.' 

At last! A call! A cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail! Brave, brave Multiple, you shall not have died in vain!" 

"Uh, I'm-- I'm not quite dead, sir." Multiple spoke up lifting his head.

"Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!"

"I-- I-- I think I c-- I could pull through, sir."

"Oh, I see." Standing up Lancelot pulled out his sword ignoring Multiple.

"Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, sir--" Multiple said whilst trying to get up, but was pushed back down again by Lancelot.

"No, no, sweet Multiple! Stay here!" Lancelot said bravely holding up his sword "I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular…" Sighing at his lack of words Lancelot let his sword fall to the ground in annoyance. 

"Idiom, sir?" Multiple suggested.

"Idiom!" Lancelot shouted picking up his sword once more.

"No, I feel fine, actually, sir." Multiple tried once more.

"Farewell, sweet Multiple!" 

"I'll, um-- I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, sir? Yeah." 

Multiple sighed as he watched Lancelot run off towards the swamp castle.


	6. Swamp Castle and Havok the shrubber

Hello!!! IM BACK!

Sorry about the lack of updating! I went away for the weekend and as soon as I got back I had 2 exams within in 2 days! Unfortunately they didn't go to well but since Thursday me and my friends have been constantly drinking and celebrating! Actually ive had very little sleep now I think about it! 4am I keep coming in! Whoops! lol! Ah! Is the life of a student! But anyway the point is im back so YeY! Actually there's only 3 chapters left (including this one!) Wow!

****

**_Shadowcat4_****_ - _**Well I'm glad you're enjoying this! Actually it was the idea of Remy being the French taunter when watching it made me giggle ………more! lol! And thus the idea was born! Plus no one else had done it so why not? Glad you're liking the choices for characters and everything!

****

**_PsychoticNetJunkie_****_ - _**I know I'm quite shocked no one has tried it before! Hmmm………maybe some people just aren't as crazy as others and just don't appreciate it! Shocking! lol! Hmmmm……The meaning of Life, sounds like fun though there are some parts that even freak **me** out in that film! Though I love the bit with the tiger costume at the beginning! Hehe! Are there enough characters?! I shall have a loook into it for you as it's always an option! Glad your enjoying this anyway!

**_Jaina12_****_ - _**te he! I was gonna put the original 'Alice' in but I thought it was **much **better with the Wanda line! lol! I don't know why Pietro fits this part so well he just kinda does and was the first person I thought of when I thought about it! lol! Poor him! He'll rebel soon………if his parts weren't over that is! Ah well! Remy again soon! Glad you enjoying!

**_Star-of-Chaos_****_ - _**Glad you liked the choice of characters! I couldn't resist! He he! Glad your still enjoying and I'm sorry for the wait!

**_The Uncanny R-Man_****_ - _**I'm glad you like Juggernaut as the head of the Knights of Ni! I think that they are my favourite part of the film! ………oh wait no **all **of its my favourite!! I'm having difficulties coming up with characters! I'm running out!! lol! don't panic though im sure there'll be enough………I hope hmmm…………ah well Glad your enjoying!!

Disclaimer - _There we go! See I think I am in fact going to 'ride' around my uni campus! Unfortunately it'll be in February! Dang! Ah well the pictures will be funny!_

* * *

**__**

Inside Swamp castle princess Boom-boom stood with her bridesmaids smiling as she prepared for her wedding. All around her were people getting ready for the wedding or had already started festivities and stood dancing happily as the musicians played.

On the outside of the castle hung two giant banners from the top of the castle to the bottom. The first one was blue and had the letter P on it and the other one was red with the letter B on it. Stood in the middle of them in the doorway entrance to the castle were two guards dressed in the same clothes as the guards in the tall tower and they were both stood there not caring at all.

"'Morning!" Another guest greeted as they walked through the door.

"'Morning." The first guard greeted as they walked past.

"Oooh." The second guard commented as the guest walked past.

Standing there looking bored again the guards looked ahead as the figure of Lancelot could be seen running towards them. Still not making any move to move as Lancelot got closer and closer the guards watched as he came running right up to them and stabbed the first guard.

"Ha ha! Hiyya!" Lancelot screamed whilst stabbing the guard and then ran through the archway towards the tall tower.

"Hey!" The second guard said weakly as he watched Lancelot run off.

Lancelot ran on ignoring the weak protest from the guard and went on attacking at random guests who were dancing or eating or just taking advantage of the good times. He made his way through the castle injuring and killing many people, including princess Boom-boom who was kicked in the chest, and made his way up to the tall tower. One there he stormed through the door and stabbed Piotr killing him.

"Now, you're not allowed to enter the room-- aaugh!"

Bobby tried to explain to Lancelot who ignored him and stabbed him as well, then without really looking he knelt down in front of the prince with his sword in front of him and his head bowed.

"O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot. I have come to take y--" Looking up Lancelot soon realised that it wasn't in fact a girl but a man "Oh, I'm terribly sorry."

"You got my note!" Pietro exclaimed in happiness.

"Uh, well, I-- I got a-- a note." Lancelot said trying to get out of the situation.

"You've come to rescue me!"

"Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't--"

"I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there…" the music from no where began to build once more.

"Well, I--" Lancelot tried to get himself out of the situation.

"...there must be... Someone…" Pietro continued as he was about to sing.

"Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! " Magneto shouted as he ran in the room stopping Pietro's music once more "Who are you?"

"I'm your son!" Pietro defended.

"No, not you." Magneto muttered irritably.

"Uh, I am Sir Lancelot, sir."

"He's come to rescue me, Father." Pietro said happily.

"Well, let's not jump to conclusions." Lancelot interjected quickly.

"Did you kill all those guards?" Magneto asked Lancelot ignoring Pietro completely.

"Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry."

"They cost fifty pounds each!"

"Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything."

"Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot. I've got a rope all ready" Pietro added weakly as he grabbed a rope made of bed sheets tied together and tied it to the bed pot and threw it out the window.

"You killed eight wedding guests in all!" Magneto carried on at Lancelot completely ignoring Pietro.

"Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady."

"I can understand that."

"Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry!" Pietro shouted weakly as he began climbing out the window.

"Shut up!" Magneto yelled at Pietro and then continued his conversation with Lancelot. "You only killed the bride's Magneto, that's all!"

"Well, I really didn't mean to…" Lancelot defended.

"Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head!"

"Oh, dear. Is he all right?"

"You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune!"

"Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note, you see--"

"Camelot? Are you from, uh, Camelot?"

"Hurry, Sir Lancelot!" Shouted Pietro weakly from where he was hanging outside the window holding onto the rope he had made.

"Uh, I am a Knight of King Scott, sir." Lancelot continued paying no heed to Pietro.

"Very nice castle, Camelot. Uh, very good pig country." Magneto said now interested in what Lancelot had to offer.

"Is it?"

"Hurry! I'm ready!" Pietro continued to shout weakly with his head poking over the window sill.

"Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?" Magneto offered Lancelot forgetting all the damage he had done.

"Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,…"

"I am ready!" Pietro continued.

Magneto continued to talk to Lancelot ignoring Pietro's pleas from the window and took out a knife and began cutting through the bedding.

"...um, I mean to be so understanding." Lancelot continued.

"Oooh!" Pietro exclaimed as Magneto cut through the bedding causing him to fall, of course Magneto and Lancelot completely ignored them and continued to talk.

"...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away"

"Oh, don't worry about that." Magneto said whilst leading Sir Lancelot out of the tall tower.

* * *

Back in the main hall of Swamp castle all of the wedding guests who were not injured were tending to those who were injured and weeping over the dead.

"Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room" Magneto continued as he and Lancelot walked out of the passage onto the stairway leading to the main hall in full view of all the guests.

"There he is!" One of the guests suddenly screamed as he saw Lancelot.

"Oh, bloody hell." Magneto muttered as a lot of the guests began to run towards Lancelot.

"Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha!" Lancelot yelled as drew his sword and began killing people again

"Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please!" Magneto shouted as he pulled Lancelot away from the guests once more and brought him back up the stairs.

"Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone." Lancelot apologised to everyone loudly.

"He's killed the best man!" A guest screamed. At hearing this all the other guests began to yell in protest at Lancelot and his actions.

"Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it!" Magneto began shouting over the top of the yelling causing everyone to stop and look at him. "This is Sir Lancelot from the Court of Camelot, a very brave and influential knight, and my special guest here today."

"Hello." Lancelot waved kindly whilst smiling.

"He killed my auntie!" Another guests shouted and once again all the guests began to shout and protest.

"Please! Please!" Magneto shouted causing everyone to stop once more. "This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Pietro, has just fallen to his death."

"Oh! Oh, no!" Guests began to exclaim, but were once again hushed as Magneto continued.

"But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained a daughter!" Everyone began to clap weakly. "For, since the tragic death of her Father--"

"He's not quite dead!" The guest who had been looking at her princess Boom-boom's father spoke up.

"Since the near fatal wounding of her Father--" Magneto tried again.

"He's getting better!" The guest yelled again, at this Magneto nodded his head at his guards who began to walk over to princess Boom-boom's father.

"For, since her own Magneto, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him."

"Oh, he's died!" The guest exclaimed as the guards killed Boom-boom's father.

"And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense." Everyone clapped weakly once more as Magneto continued. "And I feel sure that the merger-- er, the union between the Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Lancelot of Camelot--"

"What?" Lancelot asked Magneto confused.

"Look! The dead Prince!" A guest exclaimed loudly.

"He's not quite dead." Multiple said as he walked into the main hall carrying Pietro in his arms.

"Oh, I feel much better." Pietro stated weakly as Multiple walked towards a table in the middle of the room.

"You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep!" Magneto stated angrily.

"No, I was saved at the last minute." Pietro said as stood up above everyone on top of the table.

"How?!"

"Well, I'll tell you." And as the words left his mouth the guests around him began to get up and music from no where began to play once more.

"Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it!" Magneto began shouting angrily though no one listened and the music continued.

"He's going to tell! He's going to tell!…" The guests began to sing as they danced around Pietro on the table.

"Shut uuup!" Magneto continued to shout as he ran down the stairs trying to make them stop.

"He's going to tell!…" The guests continued completely ignoring Magneto.

"Shut up!"

"He's going to tell!…"

"Shut up!"

"He's going to tell!…"

"Not like that!"

"He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!…"

"Quickly, sir!" Multiple exclaimed from the side of the singing guests at Lancelot who still stood on the stairs watching in confusion.

"Come this way!" Multiple shouted indicating a path through the guests.

"No! It's not right for my idiom!" Lancelot stated whilst taking a rope off the side "I must escape more…" With lack of words Lancelot sighed.

"Dramatically, sir?" Multiple suggested.

"Dramatically!" Grabbing the rope once more Lancelot jumped off the stairs over the heads of the guests who continued to sing around Pietro. Swinging Lancelot forgot to actually let go of the rope and ended up hitting the wall on the opposite side of the hall and thus causing him to randomly swing back and forth until he came to a complete stop above the guests heads. "Excuse me. Could, uh-- could somebody give me a push, please?"

* * *

Meanwhile King Scott and Sir Forgevere were riding through a village not to far from the forest where the Knights of Ni resided, looking for a shrubbery. Passing some random villagers until coming across a random women who had blue skin and bright red hair wearing a matted old hooded coat.

"Old crone!" Scott exclaimed to her. "Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?"

"Who sent you?" Mystique asked in fear and horror.

"The Knights Who Say 'Ni'." Scott said hesitantly.

"Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here."

"If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say…" Scott hesitated looking around before saying weakly "'ni'"

"Agh! Do your worst!" Mystique said bravely.

"Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... Ni!"

"No! Never! No shrubberies!"

"Ni!" Scott continued as Mystique recoiled in pain.

"Nu!" Forgevere said joining in.

"No, no, no, no, ni--" Scott said help Forgevere get the pronunciation right as Mystique looked on in confusion.

"Nu!"

"No, it's not that. It's 'ni'."

"Nu!"

"No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. Ni!"

"Ni!"

"That's it. That's it. You've got it." Scott said joyously and both he and Forgevere turned back to Mystique and together began again. "Ni!"

"Agh!" Mystique yelled as she recoiled in pain.

"Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!"

"Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?" A man asked as he pulled his cart up next to both Scott and Forgevere.

"Erm,... Yes." Scott said looking up in embarrassment at the fact they had been caught.

"Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history."

"Did you say 'shrubberies'?"

"Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is 'Havok the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies."

"Ni!" Forgevere said as he made his way towards Alex but was quickly stopped by Scott.

"No! No, no, no! No!"

* * *

So there you go! Sorry if it was rubbish but it is 2am! lol! The true life of the student! And can I say I loved the part where Scott called Mystique an 'Old crone!' as hw addressed her! Hehe! Ok going now! Up early in the morning! Shocking! No more drink for a bit me tinks! lol!

RW


	7. Knights who no longer say Ni and the enc...

Hello again! Well so much for no drink for a while! Its 3am once more and I've just come back from a night out ………..again! God I'm terrible aren't I! Ok well the point is here is your chapter! YeY! lol!

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**_The Uncanny R-Man_****_ - _**I'm running out of X-men Ev. Characters! How bad is that! In fact I've had to make 2 of the knights into women! Whoops! lol! But I hope you like the choices! Especially who I chose to be Tim cause I couldn't decide between 2 people! But I decided id like to see one of em die so I chose the other one! Hope you like the choice! Thanks for the review!!

**_Star-of-Chaos_****_ - _**I think I just snickered at everything! Its so much fun this! Unfortunately im running outta characters!! Shocking! But luckily there aren't any more! Phew! Well I hope not! lol! Thanks for the review!!

Anon(girl) - You know you didn't have to review **every** chapter! Really im more then happy if you just give me one! lol! But I love you for the thought! Glad you're liking this! And theres only 1 chapter left then its back to good ol' NBX!

**_Shadowcat4_****_ - _**Glad you're liking this! I think when I was watching the film I could just see all the right characters! Especially those that just make you laugh coughLoganad the Chastecough lol! I hope I don't disappoint with some of my choices! Thanks for the review!!

Disclaimer: _mwha!! I will be rich and famous from my own own own python style series (or something) not quite sure! You know if I filmed me n me friends all the time we'd get such funny footage! lol! We'd make millions!!! …………………ooooooooo idea!!_

_

* * *

_

King Scott and Sir Forgevere once again stood in front of the Knights of Ni. In front of them was a big shrubbery surrounded by a white picket fence that they had bought from Havok the Shrubber.

"O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?" Scott said boldly.

"It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly," Juggernaut added in "... but there is one small problem."

"What is that?" Scott asked confused, surely there couldn't be anything else since they had done everything asked.

"We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'." Juggernaut stated.

"Ni!" One Knight said quickly which caused all the other Knights to 'shhh' him.

"Shh!" Juggernaut said at the Knight and then turned back to Scott. "We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky- ecky- ecky- pikang- zoop- boing- goodem- zoo- owli- zhiv'."

"Ni!" The Knight said again, only quietly this time so no one paid him no heed.

"Therefore, we must give you a test." Juggernaut stated scarily.

"What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till recently said 'ni'?"

"Firstly, you must find… … another shrubbery!"

"Not another shrubbery!" Scott shouted annoyed.

"Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle." Juggernaut continued ignoring Scott's outburst.

"A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!…" The other Knights of Ni began shouting gleefully until Juggernaut held up his hand to stop them.

"Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!" Juggernaut said whilst holding up a herring that seemed to appear from no where_._

"A herring!" The Knights who say Ni shouted gleefully.

"We shall do no such thing!" Scott said boldly.

"Oh, please!" Juggernaut said pathetically whilst dropping the arm that was holding herring to his side once again.

"Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done." Scott said annoyed.

"Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!" The Knights of Ni began screaming whilst covering their ears.

"Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word." Juggernaut said quickly.

"What word?"

"I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear."

"How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?"

"Aaaaugh!" The Knights began screaming again.

"You said it again!" Juggernaut shouted with his hands over his ears.

"What, 'is'?" Scott asked confused.

"No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'." Juggernaut stated whilst dropping his hands.

"My liege, it's Sir Pyro!" Forgevere said whilst pointing to where Sir Robin was riding towards them with his minstrels still singing.

"He is packing it in and packing it up

And sneaking away and buggering up

And chickening out and pissing off home,

Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge." The Minstrels continued to sing but stopped when the came in front of King Scott and Sir Forgevere.

"Sir Pyro!" Scott said happily.

"My liege! It's good to see you." Pyro said happily.

"Now he's said the word!" Juggernaut cried from behind them all.

"Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?" Scott asked.

"He is sneaking away and buggering up--" Pyro's minstrel began singing behind him.

"Shut up!" Pyro shouted stopping the minstrels singing. "No, no. No. Far from it."

"He said the word again!" Juggernaut shouted again.

"Aaaaugh!" The Knights began shouting.

"I was looking for it." Pyro continued eyeing the Knights of Ni warily.

"Aaaaugh!" They shouted again.

"Uh, here-- here in this forest." Pyro continued unsurely.

"No, it is far from this place." Scott stated proudly.

"Aaaaugh!" The knights screamed again.

"Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word…" Juggernaut shouted at them once more.

"Oh, stop it!" Scott screamed at Juggernaut and his Knights in irritation.

"...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again!" Juggernaut continued shouting.

"Toad!" Scott said to Toad and began to ride away with Pyro and Forgevere.

"Wait! I said it! I said it! Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh!" Juggernaut continued shouting as Scott and the rest rode away from them.

* * *

Back where the dead Historian lay the police were now talking to the wife and covering the body in blue plastic ready to be taken else where.

* * *

And so, Scott and Forgevere and Sir Pyro set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene twenty-four. Beyond the forest, they met Launcelot and Loganad, and there was much rejoicing.

"Yay"

In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Pyro's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing.

"Yay"

A year passed.

Winter changed into Spring.

Spring changed into Summer.

Summer changed back into Winter,...

...and Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn.

Until one day...

King Scott, Forgevere, Lancelot, Loganad and 3 other Knights all rode through the rocky terrain when they all saw an explosion in the distance causing them all to stop and observe.

"Knights! Forward!" Scott shouted as he waved his hand. Continuing forward the Knights all stopped riding when they saw a figure on top of a mountain in the distance pointing at different places causing them to blow up. Then waving his arms in front of himself there was a big explosion where he was stood and another in front of Scott and his Knights as he appeared. Once there Scott and the Knights could see him properly as he continued to blow up things randomly. On his head he wore 2 rams horns and he also wore a big brown cloak and held a giant walking stick.

"What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder?" Scott asked boldly.

"I…" The man started whilst turning to face Scott and his Knights "... am an enchanter."

"By what name are you known?"

"There are some who call me... 'Jason'?"

"Greetings, Jason the Enchanter."

"Greetings, King Scott!"

"You know my name?" Scott asked surprised.

"I do." Jason stated as he picked up his walking stick and began using it as a flame thrower on a random tree nearby. "You seek the Holy Grail!" He continued once he stopped flaming the tree.

£That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, O Jason."

"Quite." Jason said whilst eyeing Scott, then turned around and shot a firework at another random tree causing it to blow up. All the Knights watching looked impressed and began applauding him.

"Yes, we're-- we're looking for the Holy Grail. Our quest is to find the Holy Grail." Scott said unsurely.

"Yeah. Yes. It is. It is. Yeah. Yup. Yup. Hm. Mm." The Knights all mumbled.

"And so, we're-- we're-- we're looking for it."

"Yes, we are." Foregvere said.

"Yeah." Loganad said agreeing with Scott.

"We are. We are." Pyro said after Loganad.

"We have been for some time." Forgevere added.

"Ages." Pyro said agreeing with Forgevere.

"Uh-- uh, so, uh, anything that you could do to, uh-- to help... would be... very... Helpful." Scott said warily.

"Look," Loganad stated loudly at Jason who continued to stand there silently whilst making his way forwards. "can you tell us where--" Though he didn't get far as Jason made the ground blow up in front of Loganad causing him to go back to where he was stood.

"Fine. Um, I don't want to waste any more of your time, but, uh, I don't suppose you could, uh, tell us where we might find a, um-- find a, uh-- a, um-- a, uh--" Scott said quickly as he was afraid.

"A what...?" Jason said questioningly.

"A g-- a-- a g-- a g-- a-- a g--" Scott stuttered.

"A grail?!" Jason shouted.

"Yes. I think so." Scott said frightfully.

"Y-- y-- yes." Pyro stuttered in fright.

"Yes." Scott said again.

"Yup." Loganad said.

"That's it…" The Knights all said together in fright.

"Yes!" Jason said dramatically again.

"Oh. Thank you." Scott said in surprise.

"Splendid." Pyro and the other Knights began saying in happiness.

"Look, um, you're a busy man, uh--" Scott said warily as Jason began randomly blowing up the cliffs once again.

"Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail." Jason interrupted Scott.

"Oh, thank you. Oh…" All the Knights said again.

"To the north there lies a cave-- the cave of Caerbannog-- wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged…" In the distance thunder could be heard, but Jason ignored it and continued. "...make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail."

"Where could we find this cave, O Tim?" Scott asked in curiosity.

"Follow." Jason bid and then stopped abruptly causing everyone to stop. "But!" He turned around suddenly to come face to face with them all "Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."

"What an eccentric performance." Scott said to his Knights over his shoulder.

Following Jason Scott and his Knights all made their way towards the cave of Caerbannog where hopefully the next clue as to the whereabouts of the Holy Grail would lie. As they began to get closer to the cave though the servants all began (in true horse fashion) make noises to indicate they were scared.

"They're nervous, sire." Loganad stated as they all came to a stop.

"Then we'd best leave them here and carry on on foot. Dis-mount!"

As Scott shouted the order all the riders 'dismounted' their horses so they could continue on foot. After a bit more walking they came to the entrance of the cave and hid behind some rocks just away from the entrance, right next to the big open space covered in bones.

"Behold the cave of Caerbannog!" Said Jason indicating the entrance of the cave with his hand.

"Right! Keep me covered." Scott said as he began to get up.

"What with?" Asked Loganad confused.

"W-- just keep me covered." Scott said pathetically as he himself didn't even know.

"Too late!" Said Jason frightfully as he grabbed Scott and brought back down crouching with the rest of the Knights.

"What?" Scott asked as he looked around the vast area of bones not seeing anything.

"There he is!" Jason said in a hushed tone pointing.

"Where?" Scott asked looking around confused.

"There!" Jason said pointing still at the entrance of the cave where a white rabbit had just hopped in view.

"What, behind the rabbit?" Scott asked fearfully.

"It is the rabbit." Jason stated.

"You silly sod!" Scott shouted angrily whilst standing slightly.

"What?" Jason asked still hiding from the killer rabbit.

"You got us all worked up!" Scott continued annoyed.

"Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!"

"Ohh."

"That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"

"You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!" Pyro yelled standing up from behind the rock he was hiding behind.

"Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"

"Get stuffed!" Shouted Loganad.

"He'll do you up a treat, mate."

"Oh, yeah?"

"You mangy Scots git!" Pyro continued to shout in annoyance.

"I'm warning you!"

"What's he do, nibble your bum?"

"He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!"

"Go on, Mesmero. Chop his head off!" Scott said to one of the random Knights behind him.

"Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!" Mesmero said as he put on his helmet and drew his sword.

"Look!" Jason shouted as they all watched Mesmero walk towards the rabbit only to see the rabbit squeak and lunge at his neck. Watching in horror they watch Mesmero's head fall off and his body fall to the floor.

"Jesus Christ!" Scott screamed.

"I warned you!" Jason said smugly.

"I done it again!" Pyro said fearfully as he sank behind the rock once more.

"I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--"

"Oh, shut up!" Scott shouted at Jason.

"Do they listen to me?" Jason continued gloating.

"Right!" Scott said bravely as he drew his sword. "Charge!"

With their swords drawn the Knights of the round table all ran towards the killer rabbit. However 6 Knights against one rabbit was hardly fair, especially when the rabbit is a killer. So without much effort the killer rabbit took off 2 more heads which is when Scott finally faced defeat.

"Run away! Run away!"

"Run away! Run away!…" The knights all began yelling as they made their way towards the rocks and a laughing Jason.

"Ha ha ha ha! Ha haw haw! Ha! Ha ha!"

"Right. How many did we lose?" Scott asked his remaining Knights.

"Jean" Lancelot spoke up for the first time in a while (we all wonder why?)

"X-23" Loganand said.

"And Bors. That's five." Scott said thinking.

"Three, sir." Loganad said quickly noting the Kings error.

"Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite." Scott said after correcting himself.

"Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?" Pyro spoke up in hope that they'd all just leave.

"Oh, shut up and go and change your armour." Scott said irritably.

"Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake." Loganad suggested bravely.

"Like what?"

"Well... Ooh."

"Have we got bows?" Lancelot asked.

"No."

"We have the Holy Hand Grenade."

"Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Hank carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!" Scott shouted whilst turning up to face the priests that stood at the top of the hill.

"Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem."

Chanting the priests made their way down the hill towards King Scott and his Knights whilst holding a small box. Opening the box Scott removed the Holy hand grenade and looked at it confused.

"How does it, um-- how does it work?" Scott asked Lancelot confused.

"I know not, my liege."

"Consult the Book of Armaments!" Scott said loudly at the priest.

"Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one." Brother Hank said to the other monk stood behind him.

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloth's and carp and anchovies and orang-utans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--"

"Skip a bit, Brother." Brother Hank interrupted.

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

"Amen." Hank finished.

"Amen" The Knights repeated.

"Right!" Scott said turning back towards the rabbit and pulled out the pin "One!... Two!... Five!"

"Three, sir!" Loganad corrected him.

"Three!" Scott said and threw the grenade towards the rabbit that blew up leaving the entrance to the cave safe.

* * *

At the point in the woods where the Knights who say Ni were the police who were solving the death of the Famous historian were looking through the shrubbery. That is until they heard the explosion from the Holy hand grenade and so proceeded towards it leaving the shrubbery in shambles.

* * *

So there you go! Hope I didn't disappoint! And im afraid to say that this next chapter will be the last chapter! And shockingly enough the first fanfic actually finished!! WoW! What an achievement! lol!

RW


	8. And thus ends the story of the Grail!

This is it! This is my proud and joy! I am actually finished one of my stories! WOW! lol! So without much further ado I bring to you they concluding chapter to X-men Evolution and the Holy Grail.

* * *

Inside the great Cave of Caerbannog King Scott and his (remaining) Knights of the round table continued to wander aimlessly. That is until Scott looked at the wall by him and noticed strange markings on it.

"There! Look!"

"What does it say?" Lancelot asked as all the Knights gathered around it.

"What language is that?" Loganad asked in confusion.

"Brother Hank!" Scott shouted over his shoulder "You are a scholar."

"It's Aramaic!" Hanks said astonished as they pushed him forward.

"Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!" Loganad stated as he realized.

"'Course!" Lancelot exclaimed like he already knew.

"What does it say?" Scott asked Brother Hank who was still staring at it.

"It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaaaaagggh'." Hank ended reading like he had just died.

"What?" Scott asked confused.

"'...The Castle of aaaaaagggh'." Hank repeated.

"What is that?" Forgevere asked from the back.

"He must have died while carving it." Hank stated like it was obvious.

"Oh, come on!" Lancelot cried at the stupid idea.

"Well, that's what it says." Hank said pointing at the engraving.

"Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaaaaggh'. He'd just say it!" Scott said agreeing with Lancelot (which has to be a 1st!)

"Well, that's what's carved in the rock!" Hank said proudly as no one believed him.

"Perhaps he was dictating." Loganad offered.

"Oh, shut up" Scott said annoyed at Loganad's stupid idea and turned back to the wall once more "Well, does it say anything else?"

"No. Just 'aaaaaagggh'." Hank replied.

"Aaaauugggh." Lancelot said.

"Aaaaaggh." Scott said.

"Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?" Forgevere asked.

"Where's that?" Loganad asked Forgevere.

"France, I think."

"Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?" Lancelot asked.

"No, that's 'Saint Ives'." Scott told him.

"Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives."

"Iiiiives." All the Knights began to repeat.

"Oooohoohohooo!" Forgevere suddenly began shouting at an alarmingly high pitch.

"No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh." Lancelot told Forgevere.

"N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm." Forgevere explained to Lancelot.

"Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!" Lancelot said in understanding.

"Yes that's right-- aaaaaah!" Forgevere said pointing behind the group.

"Oooh!" Scott cried seeing what Forgevere had seen.

"My God!" Loganad shouted as he turned to see what Forgevere was on about. All of the other Knights and Brother Hank all turned to see what both Forgevere was screaming about and saw a giant monster stood behind them.

The monster had two giant thick legs to giant horns giant claws, scaly skin and hundreds of eyes all looking at them as it roared revealing the large amounts of sharp pointy teeth.

"It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaauugh!" Hank screamed as the monster grabbed him and ate him alive.

"That's it! That's it!" Forgevere cried at the pronunciation.

"Run away!" Scott cried suddenly.

"Run away!" All the Knights began screaming as they ran for their lives.

Running through the dark cave screaming they could all hear the distinctive 'Roar' coming from the Black Beast of Aaauugh behind them. Hiding behind a big rock they all waited as the Beast ran past them and began to sneak the other way away from the beast.

"Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!…" All the Knights said as they snuck away.

"We've lost him." Forgevere stated happily, but was soon became unhappy again as they heard a giant 'Roar' and found the beast next to them again.

"Aagh!" They all screamed and began running away once more.

As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Scott and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator (of the beast of course) suffered a fatal heart attack. The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for Holy Grail could continue.

* * *

Back outside the cave where the remains of Mesmero, Jean and X-23 lay amongst the bones and remains of rabbit, the police continued their search for the deadly Knight that killed the Famous Historian in chapter 3.

* * *

Scott and his Knights now successfully escaping the Black Beast were walking along a rocky mountain path with a giant pit to the side that had mist coming from it.

"There it is!" Loganad cried out pointing to a bridge in the distance.

"The Bridge of Death!" Scott cried out.

"Oh, great." Pyro said unenthusiastically.

"Look! There's destiny from scene twenty-four!"

"What is she doing here?"

"She is the keeper of the Bridge of Death." Scott explained as they continued to climb towards the bridge and destiny (pun not intended) "He asks each traveller five questions--"

"Three questions." Loganad interrupted correcting Scott.

"Three questions." Scott corrected himself "He who answers the five questions--"

"Three questions." Loganad corrected Scott again.

"Three questions may cross in safety."

"What if you get a question wrong?" Pyro asked from the back.

"Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril."

"Oh, I won't go." Pyro mumbled.

"Who's going to answer the questions?" Loganad asked Scott.

"Sir Pyro!" Scott called out.

"Yes?" Pyro said questioningly.

"Brave Sir Pyro, you go."

"Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Lancelot go?" Pyro said suddenly getting himself out of trouble.

"Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s--"

"No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on!" Scott interrupted Just answer the five questions--"

"Three questions." Loganad corrected Scott again.

"Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray."

"I understand, my liege." Lancelot said and he made his way up towards the bridge of death.__

"Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. God be with you." Scott shouted after Lancelot as he made his way.

"Stop!" Destiny shouted as Lancelot came to the entrance of the bridge. "Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."

"Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid." Lancelot said bravely.

"What... is your name?" Destiny asked.

"My name is 'Sir Lancelot of Camelot'."

"What... is your quest?"

"To seek the Holy Grail."

"What" she paused slightly "... is your favourite colour?"

"Blue."

"Right. Off you go." Destiny said moving to the side.

"Oh, thank you. Thank you very much." He said in surprise and then ran across the bridge.

"That's easy!" Pyro exclaimed as he watch Lancelot run across the bridge and ran up to Destiny.

"Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."

"Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid." Pyro said confidently.

"What... is your name?"

"'Sir Pyro of Camelot'."

"What... is your quest?"

"To seek the Holy Grail."

"What" she paused again slightly "... is the capital of Assyria?"

Pyro was confident stopped suddenly and looked up at Destiny in shock and confusion.

"I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!" Pyro screamed as he was flung into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. Watching him fall Loganad stepped up bravely. __

"Stop! What... is your name?"

"'Sir Loganad of Camelot'."

"What... is your quest?"

"I seek the Grail."

"What... is your favourite colour?"

"Blue." Loganad said confidently then stopped "No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh!" He screamed as he was also flung into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. Watching what had happened to his two Knights Scott stepped up bravely

"Hee hee heh." Destiny laughed as she watched the two fall into the Gorge then looked up to see Scott "Stop! What... is your name?"

"It is 'Scott', King of the Britons."

"What... is your quest?"

"To seek the Holy Grail."

"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"What do you mean?" Scott asked confused "An African or European swallow?"

"Huh?" Destiny said confused "I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh!" She screamed as she was flung into the Gorge of Eternal Peril as well.

"How do know so much about swallows?" Forgevere asked Scott as he stood there looking proud.

"Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know." Scott said as if it were obvious.

With that said King Scott and Sir Forgevere began to make their way across the bridge of death at a much slower pace then Sir Lancelot. Slowly they made their way across the mouldy old bridge where at any second the thing could…

* * *

INTERMISSION

* * *

…break. But Scott and Forgevere continued on and finally made their way onto the other side of the bridge of Death.

"Lancelot? Lancelot! Lancelot!" Scott began shouting whilst looking around for the missing Knight.

"Lancelot! Lancelot!" Forgevere shouted along with Scott.

"Lancelot!" Scott shouted again.

Meanwhile elsewhere Sir Lancelot is bent over a police car whilst being searched.

"Lancelot!" Scott shouted

"Lancelot! Lancelot!" Forgevere continued to shout.

Both continued to search until they heard angels singing over the hill they were facing. Following the voices Scott and Forgevere made their way over hills and fields until they reached a giant lake. They both watched as a Dragon shaped boat appeared from out of the mist and stopped at their sides. Without hesitation both climbed in and began their mystery journey across the lake towards the Holy Grail.

"The Castle Aaaagh. Our quest is at an end!" Scott shouted proudly, and both climbed out the boat and headed towards the door._ "_God be praised!" Scott cried as they looked up at the castle, then proceeded to kneel in prayer. "Almighty God, we thank Thee that Thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy--" Though Scott never finished as a load _Twanging_ sound could be heard and a sheep lands on Scott "Jesus Christ!"

Suddenly a familiar face popped his head over the top of the castle wall, yes it was the taunting Cajun Remy LeBeau.

"Allo, dappy English k-niggets and Monsieur Scott King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. So, we French fellows outwit you a second time!"

"How dare you profane this place with your presence! I command you, in the name of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors of this sacred castle, to which God Himself has guided us!" Scott shouted in fury.

£How you English say, 'I one more time, mac, unclog my nose in your direction', sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior?!" Remy taunted as he watched Scott and Forgevere ran up the stairs towards the door to find it locked. "I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters."

"In the name of the Lord, we demand entrance to this sacred castle!" Scott shouted as he pounded the door with his fist.

"No chance, English bed-wetting types." Remy taunted from above them "I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!"

"If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by force!" Scott shouted but was interrupted as Remy and the Cajun's dropped sewage on their heads. "In the name of God and the glory of our--" Scott continued but they dropped it on their heads again.

"Agh. Right! That settles it!" Scott screamed as he made his way down the stairs closely followed by Forgevere as the Cajun's continued laughing at them.

"Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the approaching any more, or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already! Ha ha haaa ha!"

"Walk away. Just ignore them." Scott said to Forgevere as they continued to walk away.

"And now, remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets!" And with that said Remy blew a raspberry at them both and all the Cajun's continued to laugh and throw things.

Feeling utterly defeated (again) Scott and Forgevere crossed the lake and stopped once they reached the land opposite where they could still hear the Cajun's laughing.

"We shall attack at once!" Scott said bravely.

"Yes, my liege!" Forgevere said as he tried to take out his sword unsuccessfully.

"Stand by for attack!" Scott screamed at the top of his voice and as if from no where hundreds of Knights came from over the hill in lines and awaited their next command.

" Cajun persons!" Scott shouted over the water and was ignored as they continued to laugh and taunt.

"Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged. In the name of God,…"

"Hoo hoo! Ohh, ha ha ha ha ha!…" The Cajun's continued to laugh

"...we shall not stop our fight till each one of you lies dead and the Holy Grail returns to those whom God has chosen!"

"..Ha ha ha!…"

"Charge!" Scott shouted and raised his sword above his head.

"Hooray!" The army of Knights screamed as they began to charge towards the waters edge and the castle full of Cajun taunters.

As Scott and his army of charging knights became close to the edge of the water a police van seemingly from no where pulled in front of them all causing them all to stop. Another car pulled up next to the van and lots of police got out along with the historians wife.

"Yes, they're the ones. I'm sure." The historians wife said pointing at Scott and Forgevere.

"Come on." A policewomen with dark hair said as she led him towards the van and two more policemen took over and threw a blanket over Scott's head and put him in the van.

"Get that one." The historians wife called to Jubilee who was heading towards Forgevere.

"Put this man in the van." Jubliee said as she pushed him over towards another policewomen.

"Clear off. Come on." Wanda said pulling Forgevere with her.

Come on. Put him in the van.

"Get a blanket." Jubilee said to Wanda.

"Come on." A women started shouting into a bullhorn. "Back. Riiight back. Come on! Pull that off. My, that's an offensive weapon, that is." Rahne continued as she took a shield away and continued backed the Knights up the hill. "Come on. Back with 'em. Back. Right. Come along."

"Everything?" Jubilee asked.

"All right, sonny. That's enough." Rahne said as she spotted the camera. "Just pack that in." She walked over and put her hand on the camera causing everything to stop.

* * *

And there you have it! Its done! Its finished! And I managed to use every character!! Whoo! Go me! - well there are a few stragglers - I used every character that is important! Whoo! Ok and now here is the responses to my lovely reviews!!

****

**_Star-of-Chaos_****_ - _**Ahhh look I didn't even need to make more Jamie's! How proud! See the trick is just to change male characters female! I'm glad you enjoyed the fic and I enjoyed reading your reviews! Thanks so much!!!

**_The Uncanny R-Man_****_ - _**Sorry the Bridge keeper wasn't Mags but he was the King of Swamp castle! See it all works out well though! And WOOO Remy kicks ass once again! lol! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this! Thanks so much!!!

Anon(girl) - Awwww your so sweet! I know you didn't have to but the fact that you did is lovely of you!! I hope you and fishy enjoyed this chapter!! Last one im afraid so ill be off back to NBX so cheer away! lol! Thanks so much!!!

And thanks to all my reviewers and readers who didn't review (if there were any) and I'm sad to say this is it and Thanks so much!!! And I bid you all a Monty python farewell!!!!

RW


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